Look, the stars have been guiding us for centuries, predicting fortunes, fates, and even what kind of kinky toy should be up your backdoor.
That’s right, it’s time to align your chakras and your cheeks because we’re pairing each zodiac sign with its perfect butt plug. Get ready to discover what the cosmos has in store for your… other starfish.
What’s A Buttplug Anyway?
If you’ve got a working backdoor, congrats! You qualify. A buttplug is a backdoor delight designed for anyone with a hole that needs attention.
They come in all shapes, sizes, and textures, but they’ve got one thing in common: a wide base so you don’t end up explaining your adventurous spirit to an ER nurse. You know, our chocolate starfish can have minds of their own, and are known to suck in anything that’s put in front of their mouths.
Anyway, much like people, your butt hole has a spiritual side to it as well. Let’s consult the zodiac and see what the universe thinks your ass deserves.
Fire Signs – No Room For Boring Foreplay
Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius need toys that match their explosive energy.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): The Flame Plug
Aries dives headfirst into everything. If they want something, they go for it, so they need a butt plug that’s bold and demanding. You need a nice, tapered plug with a wider base so you can feel that thing as it slides in deep, but not too deep. You don’t want to get lost in your own butt.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): The Jeweled Tail Butt Plug
Leo, you’re the king or queen of extra. That’s why you should opt for the jeweled tail plug. It’s part sex toy, part fabulous costume accessory. Once it’s lodged in place, you can shake that all like royalty because all eyes should be on you, even when you’re on all fours.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): The Travel-Sized Plug
Sagittarius is always chasing thrills. A travel-sized plug that fits discreetly in your carry-on is perfect for spontaneous ass stimulation. Bonus points if it comes with a discreet travel case because you’re probably getting frisky in another time zone. Also, a vibrating plug would do wonders for you.
Earth Signs and Butt Plugs – Solid Ass Choices
Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn next! You don’t need any of that flashy junk. You need toys that are reliable, sturdy, and will get the job done. Instead of using your mom’s curtain rod finial ending, consider busting out a quartz butt plug to use in your backdoor entry play.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The Luxe Gem Plug
Taurus loves luxury. If it doesn’t sparkle or feel expensive, keep it away from your behind! A gem-encrusted stainless steel plug could be the perfect choice. You need something that’s solid, smooth, and will stay in place as long as you want it there. Think luxurious silicone with a nice, hefty weight to it.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): The Silicone Beginner Plug Set
Virgo, you are a perfectionist. A beginner plug set with different sizes ensures that your first experience is structured, and, dare I say, methodical. Clean, safe, and no surprises… just how you like it. Also, you need something that’s perfectly sized. A medium-sized tapered plug would be right up your alley.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): The Weighted Anal Training Kit
Capricorn, you ambitious freak, you don’t half-ass anything! Not even assplay! A weighted anal training kit that promises long-term “results” is your speed. You work hard, so you need a plug that’s as solid and dependable as your work ethic.
Air Signs and Butt Plugs – Ready to Take Flight With No Gas
Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius, you need toys as adaptable as you are.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): The Remote-Controlled Vibrating Plug
Gemini, two moods, one ass. A remote-controlled vibrating plug keeps things unpredictable. The best choice is a plug that can change with you, and keep that ass of yours occupied. Variety is the spice of life.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): The Dual-Ended Glass Plug
Libra, you’re not the type to go for something too wild and chaotic, so you need a plug that’s sleek, and definitely on the elegant side. A slender glass plug would be perfect for you. You like to show off just a little, so maybe go for something with a little shimmer.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): The Light-Up Plug
Aquarius, you futuristic weirdo, you need something techy! A light-up butt plug that flashes like a disco ball screams your name. A remote-controlled plug is the perfect choice for you. You’re the kind of person who wants to experiment with new things and maybe give someone else the power to tease you.
Water Signs and Butt Plugs – Deep, Wett and Sensual
Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, you need something to stimulate your butt and your heart at the same time.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): The Heart-Shaped Plug
Sensitive and emotionally intense, Cancer needs something that feels personal. A heart-shaped plug made of silicone would be perfect. It’s cute and captures the sweet side of you. Nothing says love like ass affection.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): The Metal Hook Plug
Scorpio, you dark, mysterious beast, you need intensity! A steel hook plug with BDSM potential matches your kinky soul! It’s cold, commanding, and absolutely not for beginners, just like you in the bedroom. A plug with some serious girth or even spikes is just what you need.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): The Tentacle Plug
Pisces, you’re the dreamer. You need a plug that’s just as fluid and versatile as you are. Something that can transform your experience and take you to new heights of pleasure. A vibrating plug that can adjust to your moods and flow with your energy is perfect for you.
We’ve Got Butt Plugs for Every Zodiac Sign
No matter your sign, there’s a perfect plug out there waiting to make your starfish shine. Let the universe guide your cheeks to bliss. Now go forth and find your plug and purpose! If you’re unsure of where you can start, come check out the butt plug deals at the Squirt Shop!
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