The Best Fish to Have Sex With. Hypothetically Speaking

What’s The Deal With Having Sex With Fish?

When we go fishing, we typically enjoy the hobby for its lovely views, calm breeze, or even the chill vibe it brings. But after a long afternoon of casting that reel with no luck, you may get a little excited when you finally catch a bite. That excitement may evolve into something a little more…animalistic. 

All of a sudden, fishing becomes not that chill hobby you once thought it was.

One little tug on the line leads to a rush of adrenaline that tightens up your pants. 

Before you know it, your cock is harder than a sea urchin and you feel the insatiable drive to bust a nut while out on the water. 

And if your fishing bro doesn’t consent to some bro on bro action, you’ll have to make do with someone else. Or something else.

Enter the best fish to have sex with. In this article we explore the 4 fish species that hypothetically would be the best to have sex with. And we’re not going to edge you or goon you, So, strap on your waders, and let’s dive in, because you’re going to get soaked, mormon style.

1. Stingray – He Won’t Be Smiling Any More

Alright first on the list we have the stingray. While not technically a fish, we decided to keep it on the list for many reasons. The first of which is that it has no bones. And when having sex with anything, that can be advantageous. 

The smiling stingray can put a smile on any man’s face with a soft, supple mouth like that. Imagine slipping your cock in its warm and salty mouth as it gnaws on your foreskin.

Furthermore, stingrays are plentiful and easy to catch. Depending on where you are in the world you can easily source these soft-mouthed beasts. On vacation? Get to the beach lad. Quickly putter along the shore with a stick and you should see a few skitter by. Then poke one down to the sea floor and bring it out for your afternoon seaside pleasure. 

Oh, and they killed Steve Irwin, so it’s time man gets his revenge once and for all. 

2. Carp – The Fish with the Softest Mouth

Ah yes, here we have the carp. The Carp is the O.G of fuckable fish, if not the best fish to have sex with in the world. In fact the urge to fuck carp transcends borders. Have you seen 3 guys, 1 fish? If not, Google it and you’ll see what I mean. 

Carp are a freshwater species of fish found all over the world. While some cultures prize them, in the West they are looked down upon and called a ‘trash fish’. This could be due to their dietary habits of eating algae or being considered a bottom feeder.

 But these habits have helped give it such a succulent mouth that could polish off any size of manhood and still swim for another day. For that reason, carp is high up this list. 

And, have you seen its gorgeous sucker? Their lips are the smoothest thing man has felt. Plus you’ll be rewarding the Carp with a delicious snack once you bust your nut, so don’t feel too bad – just make sure to practice a safe fish release. 

3. Blue Catfish (Make sure it’s dead first)

Pack your bags, we are heading to the Deep South for this one. The Blue Catfish is a unique species of catfish found in the Mississippi River, its offshoots, and rivers stretching all the way down to the Yucatán Peninsula in Mexico. A fish with such an extensive range does not spread this far without good reason. Anyway, let us get to the point:

Its gummy smile offers a texture that might make you rethink the limits of fish to man companionship. 

Secondly, its wide jaw provides plenty of room for top notch thrusting angulation. And on top of it all, add in its skin-breathing superpower, The Blue Catfish will give you that deep throat penetration you wish your girl could give you.

Blue Catfish can grow up to a whopping 70 pounds (32 kg), making them truly formidable creatures. Their size transforms this fleshy swimmer into a fantasy-level fishlight, ready to fulfill the wildest dreams you never knew you had. Just remember to respect nature or at least have a safe word.

Furthermore, they are much more dangerous fish to have sex with due to their jaw strength. Now, a small one won’t take your cock off but anything bigger than 20 pounds and you’re playing with fire. That’s why we suggest having your way with a deceased one first so you can have some fun and enjoy a nice snack later. After you’ve marinated it from the inside of course.

4. A Coiled Up Moray Eel

Finally, we have the last, but certainly not the least, fuckable fish. Behold, the coiled-up Moray Eel. Moray Eels are found throughout the world, and while they don’t get along with men or stingrays, they do pair quite nicely with a sushi rice platter.

Furthermore, they’ll also give your erect peen a run for its money. Heard the term “slippery as an eel”? Well, Moray Eels live up to it thanks to their slippery mucus coat. Their coating is like nature’s lubricant, helping you slip into their rolls as it winds down your shaft.

So, what about the coils? Well, eels usually have a large set of teeth that could cause severe damage to a penis. That’s why we don’t recommend trying this with a live eel or anywhere near their mouth.

Alternatively, you can feed it up your ass like a double sided dildo of the sea. Just make sure to get the rhythm right if you decide to use it with one of your sailor pals.

Remember: Swim Safe and Sex Your Fish Right, Hypothetically

Alright, lad, you now possess the equivalent knowledge of a four-year marine biology degree, condensed into just four minutes. Not only did we save you from a mountain of student debt, but we also skipped the boring stuff and got straight to the… fish fucking. 

Now, let’s use this  information responsibly. If you’re going to take inspiration from the ocean’s offerings, at least stick to the “eat what you fuck” philosophy.

We don’t need traumatized fish plotting an underwater uprising. Imagine the horror of snorkeling near a rock only to have a grudge-bearing grouper make a beeline for your backside.

And hey, since this is a judgment-free zone, drop your hypothetical fish of choice in the comments below. Or, if you’ve got any other recommendations for let’s say adventurous aquatic wildlife encounters, we’re all ears. Just remember, this is a discussion of possibilities, not field research. Keep it classy, or at least legal.

Happy fish fucking…hypothecically