No matter which religion you practice, you’ll often find that it typically has rules about not having sex in some capacity. This is especially true in the Mormon faith where sex before marriage is a major sin.
Fortunately, to stay holy, remain virgins, and practice some of that good premarital without sinning, Mormon practitioners have invented an intricate loophole to have sex while staying in the church’s good books. Enter the world of Soaking.
But what is this ingenious practice of Soaking? And how can you Soak as well? Stick around and you’ll soak up some knowledge.
What Is Soaking Anyways?
Think of soaking as the next evolutionary stage in the fine art of staying I’m a “technical virgin”. Okay, Soaking is the act of a penis entering a vagina and then, just… hanging out. Marinating even.
No thrusting, no grinding, or no rhythmic wiggle while SZA plays. Both participants must remain as motionless as contestants in the world’s most awkward freeze tag championship. After all, if nobody moves, it apparently doesn’t count as sex, leaving everyone’s ticket to eternal purity fully stamped.
Now that’s just part one of taking your partner to the Holy Soak City.
If soaking feels a little, anti-climactic, don’t worry because there’s a natural next step that ups the absurdity and helps skirt those strict rules.
Enter the “friend-who-shakes-the-bed” maneuver, also known as “jump-humping.” Since the holy loophole states that any movement must not come directly from the couple themselves, a charitable buddy will volunteer to jump on the bed and bounce around to add some much-needed motion without the participants ever technically doing any, you know, sex stuff.
It’s essentially the wholesome group project of the purity world: everyone pitches in, and no angels lose their wings.
Mormons can use this loophole to dance around being accused by their often tightly knit community of engaging in premarital sex. This is a big deal for them as they wish not to lose their families or break the word of their religion.
The Best Soaking Positions
The easiest soaking position you can do, and the one that pairs best with Mormon ingenuity, is the classic cowgirl.
Your partner can sit on you and hug you gently while you spend time together. The other spot that’s very effective is doggy style, but it runs the risk of accidental thrusting if one of you loses balance.
The most comfortable is missionary, where you and your beloved can sandwich one another in peace. It’s also the most compatible with quilts and bedsheets! You can alternate the angles but remember – no thrusting or movement! We’re watching you!
What Counts As Sex In Mormonism?
To fully understand the technicalities and loopholes that go on here, we would need to read the Book of Mormon. But as we’re likely to burn up at the moment we open that book up, and we have no contact with authentic soaking Mormons, we can only speculate how and what they count as sinful premarital sex.
Now, as experts in sexual wellness trends, and good journalists, we recommend checking out the former Mormon Exmo Lex’s thoughts on what counts as sex and what doesn’t in Mormonism.
If you don’t have time to watch, essentially, Mormon’s know soaking is considered wrong but the church leaders look the other way as it is more morally decent than some of the other options that could infect their followers.
Keep Yourself Pure By Soaking Professionally and With Friends
Attention BYU students. It’s not soaking if it’s not done covertly!
A great allure of the practice, aside from keeping yourself pure, is the mystique and almost near urban myth of the soaking practice. And it’s easy to do without needing elaborate parties or events.
All you need is to build up an air of mystery, take your partner somewhere quiet, bring your best friends.
In fact, soaking is almost a community event between friends and Mormons who wish to give each other a hand, from arranging meetings to keeping a lookout for trouble.
You can involve a slightly dirty-minded friend in this who will gladly play into the scheme. If you are part of a large group of sexually active individuals, you can consider bringing them together to orchestrate an event and play along.
The presence of at least one more person will prove a huge bonus as now you will be able to thrust freely in the eyes of God without the sin.
Desperation Breeds Creativity
Horny Mormons can get incredibly creative out of desperation. It’s on par with the Jewish ‘Eruv’ which is a ritualistic wire encasement running around their property to symbolically extend their private domain space. Now, we’re sorry to go off on the religion and history lessons but from desperation comes ingenuity.
If you’re into cheating the system when it comes to some steamy premarital, let us know in the comments below. Whether it’s a quick ghostly wank, or cleansing yourself with a confession, we must know the details to stay holy while fulfulling our needs.
Fetish Potential?
As soaking and jump humping are part of the religious sector, as well as the many technical details surrounding it, it’s a perfect breeding ground for all types of fetishes and niche activities to come out of.
Even if your not a Mormon, the Mormons have blessed us with a new addition to the fetish list: Religion Play!
Heirophila, Also known as Religion Fetish can spark a new zest in your life. Consider incorporating it into your partner’s role-play and virginity play nights. Furthermore, due to Soaking’s group potential, You can create whole group plays around it, and it’s a threesome & group sex friendly practice as it requires some assistance in certain contexts.
Get Out There And Soak Up Your Partner!
When soaking and jump humping first became viral online, a typhoon of confusion and disbelief took the internet. While soaking may be considered a conspiracy theory by the church, it does still happen in rare occurrences among a few wobbly believers.
Nevertheless, the name and the practice have left their mark, and it’s free real estate for anyone with a creative mind and enough kink to make it work! Soaking is gentle enough to become a part of your nightly activities and social enough that your can build deeper bonds with your friends while doing it. So, what are you waiting for, go out there and soak!
P.S
If you’re a Mormon reading this… we’re somewhat sorry!
Comments