What the F*ck is Gooning? A 3 Part Guide

Gooning is basically prolonged self-stimulation. Sounds like edging, right? WRONG. 

Gooning is the next step up and is a full body engulfing mental state—focused, euphoric, and completely consumed by pleasure. Think of it like the best acid trip of your entire life, without the acid and instead with your dick (or clit) in hands.

Gooning…It’s not just whacking off; it’s teasing yourself until your brain fries and you’re practically worshiping your own crotch.

Imagine pausing your climax so many times that you start seeing Jesus. Yes, Gooning is a mix of spiritual enlightenment and edging that allows you to become one with yourself via advanced seed control.

Why Does Everyone Online Have a Hard-on For Gooning?

The internet is a cesspool of perverts, and these people are OBSESSED with finding a kinky fetish that lets them spend hours playing with themselves. Gooning has become a holy ritual for those who have mastered the art of horniness. With an endless supply of porn and tik tok fan edits at their fingertips, you’ve got a generation of freaks turning their bedrooms into masturbation chambers. And yes, your bros can join along. 

(insert article “how to goon with the bros”)

What is The Point of Gooning?

The goal of gooning is to experience the ultimate level of constant pleasure without ejaculating. The result of edging long and hard will allow your entire body to feel the orgasmic sensations your extremely sensitive cock is experiencing. The smallest flicks and taps will send a toe curling shockwave of pleasure throughout your entire body. Don’t hold back—moan, grunt, drool, whatever. Get filthy with it. Talk dirty to yourself, grab your body like you fucking mean it, and let loose. No holding back, no shame—just raw, primal pleasure.

Part 2.  Your Guide To Gooning – Entering The Gooniverse.

How to Officially Goon  

Once you have mastered the art of Edging, you can start your journey into the Gooniverse. Here’s how it’s done:

STEP 1: Find Your Goon Cave

First things first, make sure you’re in a private place where no one can interrupt your “me time”. Lock the door and put your phone on “do not disturb:. You don’t want anything breaking the freak trance that you are about to enter. Often this area is referred to by gooners as a ‘Gooncave’.

STEP 2: Porn Marathon Time

Load up on all the nasty stuff that gets you going. The more screens, the better. Phone, computer or your moms tablet, the more content you have playing the better – it’s like a virtual orgy.

STEP 3: Edging 101

Touch yourself until you can’t take it anymore…but don’t let yourself bust just yet. Keep yourself on the brink of pleasure for as long as you can handle. Click here for our Comprehensive Guide to Edging if you are new to the kink. Once you have mastered the art of edging, you are ready to experience the constant pleasure of gooning.

STEP 4: Enter the Gooniverse

Once your mind goes blank and your body takes over, you know you’ve reached peak goon status. It’s like being an animal, but with way more pleasure involved. The constant stop and go will make your peenar so sensitive that any sensation will send shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body.

STEP 5: Never Let It Bust

Whatever you do do not go past the point of no return. What we’re saying here is you better not lose control and cum. Gooners pride themselves in how long they can goon for. Translation: How long they can last before ejaculating. When gooning, consider the cum scale. This scale represents the likelihood of you busting. If your point of no return is at 9, then make sure to stop jerking at 8. Take a break until you reach 4 or 5 on the scale. This ensures your cock can cool off for a bit before it enters back into goontown.

Remember, build yourself up. Many gooners can goon for a few days but only true goon masters can hit the month mark. 

There you have it, the basics of gooning.

Tips For Your Gooning Experience:

• Stay Hydrated: You’re gonna be sweating like a sinner in church. Keep water nearby, or risk shriveling up like a raisin.

• Switch It Up: Don’t stick to one video/pic or type of pleasure. Variety is the spice of life-and your goon session. Enjoy multiple videos, don’t be scared to experience pleasure in all parts of your body. Butthole included.

• Go All In: Use headphones, mood lighting, maybe even lube that smells like coconuts if you’re feeling bougie. Anything to get you going.

• Know When to Quit: If your d*ck feels like it’s been sandpapered, maybe call it a night. You’re not auditioning for a Guinness World Record here.

Why You Should Be a Chill Guy About Gooning:

Sure, gooning might sound like a magical ticket to horny nirvana, but overdoing it can leave you sore, unmotivated, and addicted to that self pleasure dopamine rush. Jerking your hog can be a wonderful thing, but don’t let it ruin your life. 

Part 3. Advanced Gooning Tactics

Alright, so you’ve mastered the basic goon sesh and want to level up? Welcome to Advanced Gooning, where we dive into the real freaky territory. This is for the pros who treat jerking off like a spiritual awakening.

1. The Tech Upgrade: Build Your Goon Station

Basic gooning is just your hand and maybe your phone. But advanced gooners? They turn their setup into the NASA of nastiness. Multiple monitors, phone and maybe even your grandma’s IPad to help you emulate a digital orgy.

• Multi-Screen Madness: Got a laptop, tablet, and phone? Use ’em all. Create your own porn command center so you can hop between videos, gifs, and photos like a horny DJ.
• Interactive Toys: A good fleshlight or one of those fancy auto-stroking gadgets can take your session from amateur hour to pro-level debauchery.
• VR Porn: If you’re not strapping a headset on and pretending you’re in the scene, are you even trying?

2. The Mirror Trick

Nothing screams advanced gooning like watching yourself lose your damn mind. Set up a mirror and stare into your own soul while you’re in the middle of the act. It’s weirdly primal and deeply disturbing- but that’s part of the fun, right? Bonus points if you can find an online jerk partener to watch yourself with. 

3. Full Sensory Overload

Ready to take your spank bank to the next circle of hedonistic hell? Why stop at just jacking off to moving pictures when you can turn your entire body into a horny amusement park?

Light a candle (preferably something that doesn’t smell like your grandma’s bathroom) or slather on some fancy-ass scented lube—go ahead, be extra; no one’s judging here. Then crank your sound system so you can blast that x-rated ASMR porn until your brain starts tingling like it’s on Molly.

And let’s not forget the feel factor: experiment with textures that’ll make your goosebumps sprout goosebumps, or break out the hot-and-cold lube combos that’ll leave your junk wondering if it just stuck its dick in a sauna or an iceberg. It’s a five-alarm orgy for your senses. Get weird, get wild, and for the love of god, don’t forget to play with your butthole too.

4. Incorporate Hypnosis or “Brainwashing”

This is where things get weird(er). Some gooners swear by erotic hypnosis videos to get themselves into that totally lost in the sauce state. These vids are like horny meditation tapes, with soothing voices telling you to relax and give in to the goon.

5. Marathon Mode

When it comes to an all day goon sesh, you don’t just need stamina, you need a battle plan!

Start with your meal prep, because if you’re gonna be locked in horny autopilot all day, you’d better have snacks and plenty of fluids on deck (wouldn’t want to be found facedown on your keyboard with your dick in your hands, now would you?).

Then schedule breaks like a responsible sexual athlete: get up, stretch, hydrate your sorry ass, and make sure you haven’t devolved into a dehydrated, pleasure-addled prune. 

And the pièce de résistance? Multiple climaxes. That single, measly orgasm is for amateurs; push your body to the brink and find out how many times you can cross the finish line before you start questioning your life choices. It’s basically the freak Olympics, and you’re gunning for gold—so go ahead and pencil that entire day into your calendar. You deserve it.

6. Goon Buddy

Yeah, some gooners take this social. No, not in-person (usually), but online. Find a fellow gooner to share vids, tips, and even live-streamed sessions (consensually, obviously). Think of it as a horny support group.

7. Goon Alters and Shrines

If you’re REALLY deep into the culture, why not create a shrine? Some gooners set up little altars of screenshots, toys and other memorabilia to fully commit to their craft. It’s weird, but gooning is about embracing the absurd. So next time you have a spare pair of grandma’s XXL soiled undies, add em’ to the shrine so you can respect that schmear. 

Final Pro Tip: Know Your Limits

Advanced gooning is like playing with fire- you can burn out fast. If you find yourself missing work, canceling plans, or wondering why your d*ck looks like it went through a car wash, it’s time to take a step back. Even the horniest gooners need a break.